World Cup Day 31, Just Desserts Edition

(This is re-posted from my old blog. I did a daily write up during the World Cup, this was the review/recap.)

Hello to all and thanks for checking in,

We have finally made it to the finish line of this World Cup. I hope you’re ready for what promises to be a bumper post today. This is going to be a long one. We’re doing a proper review of all things World Cup; best hair, best names, separated at birth candidates, best villains, funniest side stories, players who made the most money with their performance and those who lost the most, best WAGs, best actors, and we will tell you the only unbeaten team (the answer is surprising), and a quick review of the final. On we go.





It was a rough and tumble match. There were 47 fouls in total, 28 by the Dutch. Even when they didn’t really foul the Spaniards, they still fouled them. There was always a boot left in, a clip of the heels, an extra elbow, etc. There were 14 yellow cards, including 2 and a send-off for John Heitinga. Players from each team could have gone off, namely (Human Yellow Card) Nigel De Jong, Carles Puyol, Mark Van Bommel. I don’t know what Howard Webb was waiting for. Maybe if De Jong’s boot went through Alonso and came out of his back, he would have been sent off (pictured right). Maybe if his boot was higher and he decapitated Alonso, he could have gotten a red. Mark Van Bommel could have gone off as well, for just persistent fouling.


That being said, I don’t buy the argument that Webb lost control of the game. He gave out 14 yellow cards and it could have been more. I watched the game again, 20 yellow cards were definitely possible in this match. And, if he throws De Jong out early, people would complain that he ruined the final, with an early send-off.

The game went on, and it was feisty throughout. But, the chances kept coming. For a game that was 0-0 for about 118 minutes, it had its share of action. Heitinga’s sending off was key, Heitinga would have been in the area where the goal developed. A failed clearance found its way to Fabregas, who fed Iniesta a great through ball that he smashed on goal. Stekelenberg had no chance. It was another of those shots, that looked like it could break your wrist. All in all, it was a thrilling game. What can I say? I love this stuff. It was sloppy, it had 47 fouls, tons of rolling around, grown men screaming, and bitching, but it can never be matched for drama. Onto some of the fun stuff of the World Cup. Let’s get to it:

World Cup Best XI: This I will outsource, check out this post detailing the best XI of the tourney.

Best Football Boots: Nike Total 90 Laser. If you watched the World Cup, you had to notice these. It felt like every 3rd player was wearing them. I love them. By the end of the group stage, I was ready to walk around the house with them on, like slippers. Problem is they go for $250, I’ll have to find some fake-me-outs from China. I must have them. When else will I be able to wear purple and orange shoes? I’m not a pimp.

 
Player who lost the most: This list starts and ends with El Nino, Fernando Torres. During the World Cup, Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich was in South Africa trying to sign him from Liverpool. The number reported in the press, was 50 million British pounds (about 75 million USD today). Torres did not score, looked bad not scoring, started on the bench in the semis and finals, and pulled a hamstring in the last minutes of the final and could be out for the first month of the English season. Whew, now that is a bad month. Caveat emptor, Roman.

Best WAGs: We’ll just say, it’s a 3 way tie. That way I can post all 3 pictures and pretend to be professional about these awards. They are Sylvie Van Der Vaart, Sara Carbonero, and Sarah Brandner. The partners of Rafael Van Der Vaart, Iker Casillas, and Bastian Schweinsteiger respectively.

Best hair: Goes to Walter Martinez (Honduras) and his tri-colored braids. I mentioned my love for these in 2 previous posts. Honorable mention goes to Benoit Assou-Ekotto.

Best goofy story: North Korea paid Chinese actors, to play the role of “fans” at their matches. It really looks like all the jobs are going to China.

Best example of prehistoric medicine: Gerard Pique getting Kleenex stuffed down his throat to stop his mouth from bleeding. The frequently used “Magic Spray” was a close second.


Trivia answer: I mentioned earlier, that there was one team who left the World Cup without a loss. It would be the All Whites of New Zealand. They went home after 3 draws.

Best overreaction (by the world): You would think that Luis Suarez was responsible for the BP Oil disaster. People compared him to Thierry Henry, called him a cheat, called for changes to the rules for handball (my personal favorite was to make it like goaltending in basketball). He was booed every time he touched the ball in the 3rd place game. I hope we can look back be calm about this now. It was an instinctive move and he got done in under the current rules. Henry got to go to the World Cup for his transgression, not the same. Please just take a breath and move on. Gyan hits the penalty and the handball is a footnote nobody remembers.

Best surprise: Diego Forlan. I got to see him a bunch this year, since Atletico Madrid won the Europa League, he was on our TV machine many times. He was always an effective striker, but to have the tournament he did, was really nice to see. He gets to take home a 4th place finish and the Golden Ball. He somehow figured out the Jabulani ball, hitting a beautiful knuckling free-kick against Ghana. Played on one leg vs. Germany and scored an amazing volley. The Kiwis were a close second for this one.

Separated At Birth: Howard Webb/ Hitman’s Timothy Olyphant: 2nd place goes to the character ”Lou” (from the comedy Little Britain) and Carles Puyol.

Biggest flops: Fernando Torres, African teams (other than Ghana), Wayne Rooney, Italy, France, and Arjen Robben’s right foot, and Kaka (he played like….nah too easy).

Players who made the most $$$: It would be Enyeama (Nigerian GK) who single-handedly kept Lionel Messi scoreless with 3 great saves. Asamoah Gyan from Ghana (missed penalty notwithstanding), Robert Vittek (Slovakia) scored 4 goals. He is 28 and plays at a relatively small Turkish club. He might be able to parlay this performance into one last transfer to a bigger club. Mesut Oezil (Werder Bremen) is already being looked at by big clubs in Europe and Werder Bremen are trying to get him to extend his current contract. Honorable mention goes to David Villa, who made his money before the World Cup. He completed his transfer to Barcelona from Valencia for 40 million Euros.

Best Names: Anyone who was here at the start, knows these three men. And, you probably miss them as much as I do. The list starts and ends with Siphiwe Tshabalala (South Africa), Danny Shittu (Nigeria), Georgie Welcome (Honduras). We lost them all after the group stages and we were worse off for it.

Best Irony:The Netherlands and Brazil abandoning their footballing DNA and still coming up snake eyes in the World Cup. You guys are attacking football. It’s not in your psyche to play negative, stop-start, physical football you tried to play here. It seems as though pragmatism still did not work for you. You might as well stick your guns. Hopefully, there respective Football Associations will bring in attacking coaches, and we can all fall in love with their football again.


Best Actor: The award goes to Arjen “Stop, Drop, and Roll” Robben. The folks that handle the Dutch’s laundry are still trying to get the grass stains out of his shorts. He rolled around for 4 straight weeks, like his clothes were on fire.

Best New Nickname: Robin Van Persie (Arsenal/ Netherlands) AKA: “Hershey” Van Persie. Given to me by a friend, I hadn’t heard it elsewhere. For those who don’t know, Van Persie calls his weaker leg (his right), his chocolate leg. I don’t know if this is racist. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. All I know is that the name “Hershey” Van Persie makes me smile.

 Best Goal: Goes to Giovanni Van Bronckhorst, for his 35-40 yard rocket against Uruguay. Honorable mention to Carlos Tevez for his goal against Mexico and Forlan’s free-kick against Ghana. We can’t forget about Maicon’s goal against North Korea.

Signs that I watched too much of the World Cup (in any order):

-You think that you can wear football boots around the house (mentioned earlier)

-John Harkes/ Alexi Lalas are no longer annoying

-You miss the sound of the vuvuzela and you see where you can buy your own

-You have long talks with your wife about Octopus Paul picking against Germany

- You can pronounce all the names of players from the Eastern European nations

- You can tell which players are from Japan, South, and North Korea

- You use 7 vacation days to watch football, take long lunches, and any other herculean tasks to see as much football as you can

- You want to give a yellow card to your bed frame, because you think it clipped your heels as you walked by

- You have a football match going on in your dreams and you kick your wife in the middle of the night (true story).

 Best mutiny: This was a close one. But, the French take it over the English. When your president wants a sit down, after a World Cup demise, you’ve reached epic lows.

Best Villain: This was a two-way tie, but both trophies stay in Holland. Mark Van Bommel was the runaway leader until Nigel De Jong almost literally broke Alonso’s heart, with a kick to the chest (pictured way above).

Player who sounds most like he should be playing with another nation: It goes to Nikita Rukavytska (Australia). A bunch of honorable mentions here for: Mario Gomez and Cacau (Germany), Herculez (yes, with a Z) Gomez and Oguchi Onyewu (United States).
I think that will do it for the review. It was a long one and I could have gone on longer as always. The game gives you so much material. Last thing, here is your countdown to Brazil 2014.

See you soon,
James