UPDATE, 7:30AM, 10/18:
I’m an idiot. I just realized I got the dates mixed up for the debate. I thought it was Thursday, turns out it’s tonight (Tuesday, on CNN). That kinda sucks. I wanted to give you the previews leading into the day of the debate. The good news is that there are 12 more debates after this one. These guys talk a lot. The next one takes place on November 9th. So, what I’m thinking is that I’ll run the last 2 previews, on Wednesday and Thursday like I planned. You’ll still get to know each candidate. And, I can re-run them as a reminder (with any new quotes, gaffes, or idiotic things they did/said since the original preview posting) as we approach the November 9th debate. Hopefully that works for everyone, biggest apologies again.
First off, thanks so much for all the positive feedback on yesterday’s post and the book news. Remember to subscribe, your name will appear in the book’s “Dedication” page.
At the end of Friday’s post, I said “happy rioting” to everyone. I hope you didn’t actually riot. “Amorphous Thoughts” is a peaceful blog and it was meant in jest. And, if you’re sitting in jail, because you took that advice, just know that I’m sorry. And, check back with us, after you post bail.
If you found the blog only today, keep scrolling down for my experience at the Times Square protests, and then keep scrolling for Part I of the debate preview (posts run from new to old). Part I focused on Michele Bachmann and Herman Cain. But, I have a hunch this will be a shorter post. I always feel like that at the beginning though. But, one of these candidates is pretty dull, if I’m honest. Newt Gingrich is inherently funny, so he’s easy. But, I’ll have to paint Huntsmann with broad strokes. Just know, that the Ron Paul/Rick Perry and Mitt Romney/ Rick Santorum posts will probably be massive, just so much material. Sit in a comfy chair for those two. And, just like the last post, there is no need for me to embellish these stories. The jokes write themselves.
Newt Gingrich:
- He’s the Former Speaker of the House, in the mid-to-late nineties. Obviously, he’s named after a salamander. I’d have to check, but I’m pretty sure he’d be the first President named after an amphibian. Just last week, he said Barney Frank (Dem. Congressman) should be arrested for putting forth a Wall Street reform bill that passed. Why arrest them? Who knows? It’s the GOP. Their nonsense makes a 4 part preview of their debates possible, it doesn’t have to make any sense. For some reason, he really loves the jeweler Tiffany’s. He had 2 lines of credit, whose value totaled between 750K-1.5million dollars. That is a bunch of light-blue boxes at the Gingrich house(s).
He’s a real good guy too. He cheated on his first wife, with his
eventual second wife. And, he was trying to get Clinton impeached, for
the Lewinski scandal, while he was having an affair. He is now onto his 3rd wife. His 3rd wife,
Callista, gets a bit of the crazy eyes. She’s not as bad as Bachmann,
but she does always have the helmet head hairdo. And, she looks like a
cross between a Fembot
and Nicholson’s “Joker”. A gallery with more proof, of the crazy eyes
is forthcoming. We’ll leave it there on Newt. I’m trying to be brief
with this post, since we’re amping up the crazy in the next two. There’s
no way he’s going to win the nomination anyway. You’re not going to
slip 3 wives past the hardcore Evangelicals who vote in Republican
primaries. And, he’s behind crazy eyes Bachmann in the polls right now.Jon Huntsman:
Whew, what can I say. This guy is pretty dull. He and Mitt Romney are
probably the most normal GOP candidates. Which means, for me, that
there isn’t that much material. He is the former Governor of Utah. He’s a
Mormon. He was the Ambassador to China for the Obama Administration.
Which means he will not get the nomination (see my comments on Obama
hatred from Part I of the preview). His daughters aren't bad looking. And, his daughters committed a violent act towards rap and music in general. They did a version of "Sexy Back", tweaked to include lyrics about their dad. Because of his background, he is the
best candidate they have in the area of foreign relations. But, look at
me using logic to figure out the GOP voters. An ex-pizza CEO is leading
their polls.See you next time for Part III, Ron Paul/Rick Perry,
A.T.
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