Republican Congressional Members Practice What They Preach: Find Out How Many Children They Actually Have

Greetings From Almost 200 Romneys

Hello to all and thanks for checking in.

I am psyched about today's post. Did you know that amongst the 8 (major, did not count Buddy Roemer or Gary Johnson) GOP nominees, they have 35 children combined? I kid you not. The breakdown is as follows: Bachmann 5, Cain 2, Gingrich 2 (1st wife), the other 2 wives didn't have to have any baby Newts, Huntsmann 7, Paul 5, Perry 2, Romney 5, and Santorum 7. On top of all that, the Bachmanns have upped the ante and have taken care of 23 foster children over the years.

Blog Favorite: Marcus Bachmann

What the hell is going on here? I had 5 immediate thoughts:

Thought 1: There's no way Marcus Bachmann has had sex at least 5 times with Michele (there are no twins or triplets in their litter) See GOP Debate Preview, Part I, for more thoughts on the Bachmanns.

Thought 2: Somewhere along the lines, in the Republican party, patriotism got merged with fertility in some weird way. They do sell themselves as the "family values" party. With all these kids, you have a permanent and constant photo-op and it possibly helps to push that "family first" meme. It's either that or they're all having a world of trouble counting the days with the Rhythm Method.

Thought 3: They are creating an army of Republican offspring, to dumb down another generation in this country. And, if that's the case, just know that I'm onto your plan.

Thought 4: They are attempting to nearly single-handedly slow the course of future US demographics. By the year 2050, the United States will be a majority-minority country. Check out the (somewhat creepy) picture of the Romney extended family and you can see what I'm getting at. There are enough Romneys for a full soccer match.

Thought 5: They are REALLY not into contraception!

With all this being said, I wondered how the number of children of (current) GOP Congressional members compared to the rest of the general population. I want to preface what I'm going to say next, by saying that I'm a well-adjusted, social, happily married man, and not a hermit. To find my answer, I literally counted the number of children from each member of the 112th Congress. I couldn't find my answer anywhere on the net, so I figured I'd do it myself. To top it off, a friend suggested that I do it for the Democrats as well, to draw a further contrast. I then compared all that data to 2000 & 2010 Census data, to compare the average from our ruling elites, to the rest of us. Again, I'm not a hermit. I swear. And, by the way, at the end of the post I will be giving out what I'm calling the "Family Picture Award." It will be awarded to the Congressional members (one each for the GOP and Dems) with the most combined kids, grandkids, and great-grandchildren.

A couple of quick notes: I started to research this near the end of December and had to take a bit of creative license with the data. So, I only counted only the current members of Congress, not those sworn in at the beginning of the 112th Congress. For instance, Anthony Weiner's and John Ensign's info is not taken into account, since they stepped down prior to my research. However, their replacements are counted. And, I counted Bernie Sanders as a Democrat and Joe Lieberman as a Republican (since they caucus with those respective parties). And, I also counted Ben Nelson as a Republican. Just kidding on that one. I can not stand Conserva-Dems. And, I'm still upset about the "Cornhusker Kickback." Now, if you get that reference, you might be too into politics (like me) and there's a prize waiting for you at the end of the post.

I obtained all the information from either the member's bio page on their personal websites or a wonderful site call CongressMerge. They do a great job of aggregating info on our Congressional members and made this research much faster than it will seem. Give them a look, if you're doing any research on our Congress. Ok, let's get to it.

There are 290 Republican House and Senate members combined. 242 in the House and 48 in the Senate (again counting Lieberman). Those 290 members have a whopping 802 children combined, giving you an average of 2.76 kids per member. But, when you mine the data a bit further, I learned that only 28 members don't have any children. When you take those members out of the calculation (which is also done in our Census), the average goes up to 3.18 kids per member with a child. Consider that. Just under 90% of Republican members of Congress have at least one child. The national average is just under 50%. We have over 71 million families in this country and 34.5 million families have at least one child (as of the 2000 Census). The equivalent data was tough to find for the 2010 Census. However, I was able to find that the average family size did drop in the 2010 Census. So, that 50 % ratio should have held in 2010 or maybe even lowered. We have finally found an issue where conservatives actually practice what they preach.

The Democrats are beating the national averages as well, but are behind the Republicans. There are 244 Democratic members in the 112th Congress (192 in the House, 52 in the Senate). Those 244 members have only (?) 518 children, for an average of 2.12. However, there are 41 members without children. When you take them out of the equation, the average jumps up to 2.55. The number of Dems with at least one child is right at 84%. Again, behind the Republicans, but way ahead of the national average.

Ladies Man: Roscoe Bartlett

Onto the awards! The winner of the 1st Family Picture Award on the Republican side is Roscoe Bartlett of the 6th District in Maryland. He has 10 children of his own and 17 grandchildren (no mention of great-grandchildren on CongressMerge). I'm sure Mr. Bartlett is busy around the holidays. Honorable Mention goes to Sue Myrick of the 9th District of North Carolina. She has 5 children, 12 grandchildren, and 7 great-grandchildren.

On the Democratic side, it was not as close. The Family Picture Award goes to Senator Daniel Akaka of Hawaii. He has 5 children, 15 grandchildren, and 13 great-grandchildren. I would need nametags to keep track of that many kids. Anyway, Honorable Mention goes to Senator (and Majority Leader) Harry Reid of Nevada. He has 5 children and 16 grandchildren.

Separated At Birth

By how much are our elected officials beating the national average? In the 2000 Census, data showed that there was 0.90 children per family and 1.86 children per family with a child. Republicans are beating that "family with a child" number by a full 1.3 children. Dems are beating the national average by nearly 0.70. And, I also learned that power is a greater aphrodisiac than anyone could imagine. Human-tortoise hybrid, Mitch McConnell even has 3 children.

I'll leave it there for today, thanks again for checking in.

See you next time,

James

Beginner’s Guide to the GOP Debate, Part II, Gingrich/Huntsmann

Hello again,

UPDATE, 7:30AM, 10/18:

I’m an idiot. I just realized I got the dates mixed up for the debate. I thought it was Thursday, turns out it’s tonight (Tuesday, on CNN). That kinda sucks. I wanted to give you the previews leading into the day of the debate. The good news is that there are 12 more debates after this one. These guys talk a lot. The next one takes place on November 9th. So, what I’m thinking is that I’ll run the last 2 previews, on Wednesday and Thursday like I planned. You’ll still get to know each candidate. And, I can re-run them as a reminder (with any new quotes, gaffes, or idiotic things they did/said since the original preview posting) as we approach the November 9th debate. Hopefully that works for everyone, biggest apologies again.

First off, thanks so much for all the positive feedback on yesterday’s post and the book news. Remember to subscribe, your name will appear in the book’s “Dedication” page.
At the end of Friday’s post, I said “happy rioting” to everyone. I hope you didn’t actually riot. “Amorphous Thoughts” is a peaceful blog and it was meant in jest. And, if you’re sitting in jail, because you took that advice, just know that I’m sorry. And, check back with us, after you post bail.
If you found the blog only today, keep scrolling down for my experience at the Times Square protests, and then keep scrolling for Part I of the debate preview (posts run from new to old). Part I focused on Michele Bachmann and Herman Cain. But, I have a hunch this will be a shorter post. I always feel like that at the beginning though. But, one of these candidates is pretty dull, if I’m honest. Newt Gingrich is inherently funny, so he’s easy. But, I’ll have to paint Huntsmann with broad strokes. Just know, that the Ron Paul/Rick Perry and Mitt Romney/ Rick Santorum posts will probably be massive, just so much material. Sit in a comfy chair for those two. And, just like the last post, there is no need for me to embellish these stories. The jokes write themselves.

Newt Gingrich:

- He’s the Former Speaker of the House, in the mid-to-late nineties. Obviously, he’s named after a salamander. I’d have to check, but I’m pretty sure he’d be the first President named after an amphibian. Just last week, he said Barney Frank (Dem. Congressman) should be arrested for putting forth a Wall Street reform bill that passed. Why arrest them? Who knows? It’s the GOP. Their nonsense makes a 4 part preview of their debates possible, it doesn’t have to make any sense. For some reason, he really loves the jeweler Tiffany’s. He had 2 lines of credit, whose value totaled between 750K-1.5million dollars. That is a bunch of light-blue boxes at the Gingrich house(s).
He’s a real good guy too. He cheated on his first wife, with his eventual second wife. And, he was trying to get Clinton impeached, for the Lewinski scandal, while he was having an affair. He is now onto his 3rd wife. His 3rd wife, Callista, gets a bit of the crazy eyes. She’s not as bad as Bachmann, but she does always have the helmet head hairdo. And, she looks like a cross between a Fembot and Nicholson’s “Joker”. A gallery with more proof, of the crazy eyes is forthcoming. We’ll leave it there on Newt. I’m trying to be brief with this post, since we’re amping up the crazy in the next two. There’s no way he’s going to win the nomination anyway. You’re not going to slip 3 wives past the hardcore Evangelicals who vote in Republican primaries. And, he’s behind crazy eyes Bachmann in the polls right now.

Jon Huntsman:

Whew, what can I say. This guy is pretty dull. He and Mitt Romney are probably the most normal GOP candidates. Which means, for me, that there isn’t that much material. He is the former Governor of Utah. He’s a Mormon. He was the Ambassador to China for the Obama Administration. Which means he will not get the nomination (see my comments on Obama hatred from Part I of the preview). His daughters aren't bad looking. And, his daughters committed a violent act towards rap and music in general. They did a version of "Sexy Back", tweaked to include lyrics about their dad. Because of his background, he is the best candidate they have in the area of foreign relations. But, look at me using logic to figure out the GOP voters. An ex-pizza CEO is leading their polls.

See you next time for Part III, Ron Paul/Rick Perry,

A.T.